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Friday, December 31st 2010

7:24 PM

Goodbye 2010...

Hard to believe there are only a few more hours until we are no longer in 2010, but 2011. Looking back over this year, I have to say, there is a lot I would have done differently. Things I would have done, or wish I hadn't done. I may have several things going for me, but there are definitely things about 2010 that I am ready to forget.

These past few months have been hard for me. Very, hard actually. I hate to admit it, but for these past few months, I've been pushing God from my life. Things haven't been going the way I have wanted them to. I've done things I'm not proud of and I've drifted way too far from God.

I rarely pray anymore. And when I do, it's a short prayer and it's in more of a 'favor' form for someone else. My Bible is sitting dusty on my nightstand (or packed away in a box...I can't remember which) and I can't even remember the last time I just 'talked' with God.

The reason I allowed myself to drift so far from Him...was because, up until August, I felt like my life was pretty darn amazing. I had just started a new job, I had some new friends and I thought I was beginning to see how my future was going to unfold.

Sadly...then things started going downhill. I found out that my parents were once again considering moving out of province. Relationship didn't go in directions I had hoped and money started getting so tight, everyone in my family was beginning to live pay-check-to-paycheck.

Because of this, everyday I asked myself "Why God?! Why do you allow such things to happen to people who love you and have always tried to serve you, no matter how hard it may be?!" After that...I stopped trying. Stopped trying to have a relationship with Christ and stopped caring to pray. To me...if God really cared, then He wouldn't be letting his children hurt.

It was selfish reasons that drove me to the point of shuddering at the mere mention of prayer. It was stupidity that drove me to fill with rage at the mere mention of "God will handle it" or "God is in control."

I was beginning to feel like I was a puppet, whose strings were getting tighter and tighter, until eventually, I was being choked and could no longer breath.

Talking about the future angered me, the past tormented me, and everyday I woke up wondering what event would unfold in the life I felt I had no control over.

To this very second, I still have trouble trying to picture my life unfolding in a way different then I had imagined 5 months ago. To be honest, I am disappointed because, if I'd been asked several years ago, where I wanted to be by January 1'st, 2011, my res ponce would simply have been "Married, settled down and with a steady job."

Looking over my life, I am worried because, none of that has happened. I am no where NEAR getting married. I am living paycheck-to-paycheck and I have a job, but it's not steady. One week I could have 40 hours, the next, only 15. 

These past few weeks have revealed to me that, I am not upset because I feel like a puppet in God's control...I am upset, because life scares me. I hate NOT knowing what I am doing tomorrow. I can't stand, wondering if I will be where I want to be in two years. I can't even stand having plans changed last minute because I feel the need to have my life laid out, minute-by-minute, hour-by-hour, day-by-day. So knowing, I have little or no control over how my life ends up in the big picture, terrifies me.

I am now facing the possibility of moving. This very idea scares me more then anything else. I've finally gotten used to the idea of living here, I've adjusted and I've realized I love being here. And now it may all be ripped out from underneath, and we'll be moved once again.

These are the reasons I get upset;

1) Why did God have our family come to terms with the fact that we are going to stay here...JUST to have us move later on. Maybe moving should never have been brought out of the picture? Then the idea would be so terrifying. Then friendships and relationships could have been spared because everyone knew that, it wouldn't last for ever, so don't build anything up just to have it torn back down.

2) All my life, I've fought to keep myself from falling until I felt I had met 'the one'. And when I thought we would be moving, I fought harder then ever, to keep myself from EVER...EVER developing feelings for ANYONE! So after our family decided we would just stay here, I began feeling that maybe that meant it was safe. Safe to open myself up to the chances of meeting someone. 

So I made the mistake of falling. And I don't want it to sound like I went out and found the first person I could after finding out we weren't moving, because that's not the case at all. But somehow, without wanting to, and without even knowing it, I fell. And for weeks I prayed harder then ever before, because I was scared. Scared I was making up feelings or whatever. Scared that I was pushing myself to see something God didn't want me to see. So I prayed. And prayed a lot. And everything seemed to tell me, it was safe to move forward. So I did.

But then things started falling apart. I started getting upset with God. Asking Him, why He made me feel it was safe to move forward, when it clearly hadn't been. Then I got news about possibly moving, and that's when I broke. I was so outraged that God would let me fall, just to have it all torn apart and burned.

My reasons for turning things around, and blaming God were probably selfish, and unfair reasons. They were reasons that may seem stupid to some, and silly to many. But to me, God had allowed me to do something that I had SWORN...I would NEVER do. He had allowed me to fall and get hurt.

But as the year comes to an end, I am fighting to re-build what little of a relationship I have left with Him. I've felt Him calling to me a lot lately, but I've continued to shut Him out, locking Him from my life and plugging my ears to His cry to me.

Then tonight I promised myself, no matter what, I was going to fight to get my relationship with Christ back! This empty, miserable feeling is driving me crazy, and I want to be back where I was before.

I need to learn to not only thank Him when good happens in my life, and then turn around and blame Him when something bad happens. I must thank God everyday, for everything in my life. Thank for the good, pray for the hard, and admit when I am wrong.

And on this note, I pray that I can go into 2011 fighting to build that relationship stronger. 

"These things I have spoken to you, so that in ME you may have peace. In the world you have tribulation, but take courage; I have overcome the world." 

John 16:33

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Friday, September 3rd 2010

8:36 PM

Who would have thought...

Life is one of the most unpredictable things there is. It doesn't matter how well you think you know where you are going, or who you want to be, something will always change it.

When I was younger, I wanted to be a professional horse trainer. Snow in the big shows and compete with some of the most famous show jumpers in the world.

I wanted to complete a whole novel and send it out to publishers. I didn't plan on getting published right away or making it big...but to at least get a book finished, I'd be thrilled!

Along with those, I wanted to get married young, have children and run a home. But obviously some things don't happen the way we want them to.

That's how I saw my life going when I was sixteen.

That was three years ago. I am now nineteen as of last week, and I've recently been looking back at my life, wondering "What the heck happened?!"

What is happening with my life that makes me wonder that?

In the past year...no...in the past six months, my life has kind of taken a U-Turn.

In my last post...I broke the news that (after 4 years of waiting) we would NOT be moving back to Ontario. It was a hard hitting time and it began to feel like my life was falling apart.

We were no longer moving, my life was now NOT going to be anything like I had thought.

By staying here...I had to decide to give up the dream of owning and running a larger horse stable. Not only would it be impossible to afford enough land to do that around here, but I've realized it's just not practical for my life. It was a dream, and would never be anything more.

But as much as things fell apart, they were quickly clicking into place.

I got a job at a local store, and things there have been going so well, it almost feels like it's not real.

I started out being hired to be a cashier and do signs, but I now have several jobs there. I work in produce, grocery (stocking shelves when the shipments come in, etc), deli, cashier and signs. My work there has been tripled and I love it!

As for my dream of being a published author, I'm still holding onto that. My novel, "Evolutions" (the sci-fi-romance) I was working on, has been put on hold for a while, sadly. I have no time to write anymore, and as much as I hate that, it's just something I'll have to deal with.

I look at where I hoped to be by the time I turned 19, and I look at where I am, and I realize that they may be completely diffident places, but I am happy where I am, so I don't wish that my life had turned out differently.

I may not be a big time horse trainer, but I've tamed a high-strung mare, broken a wild horse and raised a filly.

My book may not be on the book store shelves, but the dozens of magazine articles I have written have been read by thousands of people!

Even though I'm not competing in shows, I'm creating a path for myself and working hard at a job that will support me in the future.

I may be considered weird, for being 19 and still not in a relationship (and at one point, wanting to be married by now,) but I know that by waiting, I'm able to prepare myself for when that time comes)

I know my life will work out the way it's meant to and God will make everything fall into place, and that as long as I am happy where I am, there is no reason to dread the future.

Even now I imagine where I'd like to be in 5 years...but I know in 5 years...what I have imagined and what really happens, are most likely, going to have nothing in common.

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Wednesday, August 11th 2010

6:25 PM

Preparing to be a Godly woman.

This is one area of my life I've been trying to prepare myself in for a long time.

I am at the age now where I think allot about marriage and what I want to do with my life etc.

I've been praying that God will help prepare me for the responsibilities that I will be faced with in the future.

Responsibilities such as; caring for a husband and children and the decisions I'll have to make as an woman, wife and mother.

Caring for a household, and since I have allot of trouble helping my mom to keep this household together, I often worry I’ll never be able to be in charge of one myself.

I pray for God to guide my life, so that my worries and fears now, will simply stay worries and fears, and not become a reality

I want to be the best Godly woman/wife/mother that I can be.

To prepare myself to be a housewife, I've recently started trying harder to go more out of my way to do things for my family.

Such as baking or cooking when everyone else is to busy to do it and making sure I clean up afterwards.

I've started trying to think of others before myself, and put their needs before mine, and let me tell you, it's not easy, but it's worth it.

I feel that God has been working extra hard with me lately, preparing me for the something that I feel is going to happen in the near(ish) future.

I don't know what it is or when it will happen, but God does.

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Sunday, June 6th 2010

3:34 PM

Life. Here. Now. Gone.


Life is unpredictable

It's unexpected yet reliable

Most worry of the future

When the present is now

Fix the mistakes you live in

And look no further then tomorrow

Fears won't help you through life

Your faith and love will

So why waste your days worrying

When you can embrace it and grow

Take the lessons you learn

And use them for today

Breath in and exhale

Before you wish our life away

We only have one chance

To live just one short life

So why do we waste it

On small, pointless things

Worry and fear, regret and doubt

Shouldn't we forget these and move on

Take your life one day at a time

Don't try to make it go fast

Live in the moment

Because now...is the past.

- A.C.Willard

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Wednesday, May 26th 2010

4:34 PM

Will He ever stop loving us?

It's amazing isn't it?

Thinking about how God will always love us, and nothing we can do will ever change that.

It's almost unbelievable, to think that we could possible be loved that much, that even when murder is committed, or things are stolen, God still loves us.

Nothing we can do, can make God love us more then He already does, nothing!

Because God already loves us SO much, there isn't any possible way for Him to love us more!

Honestly, I start to get a bit of a head ache when I try to think of how much He loves us, and how it's not possible for Him to love us more.

It's confusing but true.

There is NO possible way to make God love us more then He already does.

"What if I do something REALLY bad? Will He still love me then?"

The answer is YES! No matter what you do, God will ALWAYS love you!

That doesn't mean we can go around stealing, lying, killing or screaming at our siblings/parents.

God will still love you even if you do those things, but He will be upset and disappointed with you.

If you ask me, having God disappointed with me would be an awful thing!

I want to have God pleased with me and all that I do.

Even though I know, He'll always love me, that doesn't mean I am going to allow myself to sin, just because "He'll still love me even if I just take this cookie."

No, I am not going to allow myself to fall into sin, just because I know God will always love me.

I have found many scriptures about God's love towards us, and I've found them very inspirational, I hope you do too.

Proverbs 3.11-12

“My son, do not despise the Lord’s discipline and do not resent his rebuke, because the LORD disciplines those he loves, as a father the son he delights in.” 

Romans 8.38-39  

“For I am convinced that neither death nor life, neither angels nor demons, neither the present nor the future, nor any powers, neither height nor depth, nor anything else in all creation, will be able to separate us from the love of God that is in Christ Jesus our Lord.”

Psalm 117:2

“For great is his love toward us, and the faithfulness of the Lord endures forever. Praise the Lord.”

John 3:16 

“For God so loved the world that he gave his one and only Son, that whoever believes in him shall not perish but have eternal life.”

God will love us forever, and forever is a VERY long time!

Even though we know He’ll never stop loving us, and that there is no possible way to make Him love us more, we still need to do our best to live a life that would be pleasing to Him.

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Saturday, April 17th 2010

4:23 PM

A Mothers Tale:


Note: this is a short story I wrote when I was 12. I was really into stories of slavery and heartbroken every time I read a story. I wrote this for a contest (but lost) but it is still a story that is close to me.(Because I wrote it when I was 12, it will have a LOT of mistakes. Please ignore those for the time being!)

~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*

      "Rebecca, come here please." The young woman called gently to her daughter. The little girl ran to her mother, her arms stretched out, wrapping them around her mothers waist.
      She looked up, her big brown eyes sparkling with excitement. "Yes?"
      The woman sat down in her rocking chair, pulling her daughter into her lap. "I have a story for you."
      The girls eyes grew. "Please tell me mother! I love stories!"
      "I shall," she paused. "if you promise me something."
      The girl nodded her head quickly.
      "Promise me, that you will tell this story to your daughter." The mother touched her finger to the girls nose, bringing their faces slowly together.
      "I promise." The girl made an X across her heart.
      The mother nodded, leaning back as she began to rock slowly. The girl rest her head on her mothers shoulder, waiting for the story to begin.
      Many years ago, a young girl lived with her parents on a large farm. They were slaves. Slaves to men who worked them from dawn till dusk. They never saw their master, but they knew he was a very unkind man.
      Every day was the same. Rise before the sun, eat a small breakfast of dry bread, then hurry out to the fields. The little girl, we shall call her Samantha, worked as hard as many of the grown men. But on this day in particular, she worked harder then ever before.

      “Girl! Over there!” A man ambled up to me, his fist tightening around his long leather whip, his teeth clenching together.
       “Yes sir.” I nodded obediently and moved to the area he had been pointing to--a small cotton patch a few feet away.
      “Hurry girl or you will feel this whip across your back.” He shoved the whip handle in my face and I quickened my pace as I passed.
      I kneeled down next to the cotton stalk and began plucking the light, soft patches, dropping them into my basket as I went.
      One woman, a few rows away from me, suddenly stood up.
      “I must check on my baby!” she screamed as a man grabbed her by the arm.
      “You won’t be doing anything.” He shoved her violently to the ground.
      “But my baby! She is sick! I must check on her!” She screamed again, tears breaking through and pouring down her dirty cheeks.
      “Silence!” The man ordered, raising his whip above his head. The woman raised her arms above her head, trying to protect herself. I quickly looked away, unable to watch what came next.
      The crack of the whip rang through the air like thunder. A scream ringing through the tree’s as the leather was brought down on the woman’s back, slicing through the flesh, producing a flood of bright red blood. The woman fell to the ground, shaking as she began to sob uncontrollably.
      “Now shut up and get to work or you’ll never see your child again!” The man shoved her into the dirt and stormed away.
      I fought the tears that tried to push through. I had seen this happen many times, but each time it was just as painful.
      Each day was like this. Screams rang through the air, whips cracking almost non stop. Women screamed, men flinched as they struggled to stay strong. Children threw fits as they were dragged from their parents, screaming and crying as they were slapped and shoved to the ground. It was a harsh life, but it was one with no escape.
      During late afternoon, I was working next to my father. He was a strong man, never whipped once and my life. My mother had died giving birth to my younger brother--who is also gone--so my father was all I had left in life.
      I grabbed a clump of cotton in my fist and yanked it from the plant, shoving it into my bag.
      “Samantha dear,” he took my small hands in his large, rough hands. “you are being to rough, you will destroy the cotton before it can ever be used. Here, watch me.”
      I watched closely as he took the cotton between his two finger and gave a gentle tug. The cotton popped off in one piece and was set gently in a bag.
      “I’m sorry father,” I lowered my head. “I am just so tired today.”
      He nodded. “I know, but we cannot stop or the consequences will be very hard.”
      “I know.” I didn’t know. I had seen many occasions where people had been beaten, but not once had I ever been whipped. Fortunate as I was, I wondered how long I could go like that.
      As the sun began to set, I could see the weariness growing in my fathers eyes.
      “You!” A man hollered from the darkness. “work faster.”
      I looked around, searching for the poor soul who would soon be met with a whip, but could not find them.
      “Slave!” His voice boomed again. “I am speaking to you!”
      Then it hit me, and an icy chill ran through my body. He was talking to my father. I shot a panicked look at him as he rose to his feet.
      “Yes sir, I am going as fast as I can.” His voice was strong and brave.
      I began to shake with fear as a large man emerged from the darkness.
      “Then get to work!” He ordered.
      “I am sire, there is no need to shout.” My father slowly began to sink to his knee’s.
      The large man scowled, his eyes widening with hatred as he glared at my father. Suddenly, he raised the whip into the air, aiming for his mark.
      “Father!” I screamed.
      He looked around just as the whip was brought down. It cracked across his spine as he collapsed to the ground. Again, it was raised and brought down, each crack louder and harder then the last. My face was soon drenched in tears, my hands shaking as I reached out to my father.
      “Samantha, no.” He turned his head to me, his eyes pleading with me to go.
      “I can’t leave you father.” I cried even harder.
      “Go, before you are in trouble too!”
      The whip was brought down again as I slowly rose and turned, running away. I was half way across the field when I heard my father scream for the very first time.
      I hid in my bed for the rest of the night, trembling and shaking, waiting for father to return to tuck me in, but he never did. Searching for him the next morning, I still did not find him. That was the last time I had seen my father, laying on the ground, covered in blood and being beaten to death.
      Each day I now promised to work harder then ever before, to make my father proud. But one day came, and I had to break that promise. A new wagon was coming towards the farm from the distance. A white man and woman rode in the front, speaking kind words to a child who sat between them. I was shocked to see the child. He was the same color I was, and he was being treated kindly by a white man. This was a sight I had never seen.
      “Guard!” The young man jumped from the wagon, handing the reins to the woman--who must have been his wife. “I am here to speak to Mr. Samuels.”
      The guard nodded. “I shall tell him of your arrival.”
      I knew the man must have been important, otherwise the guard would not treat him with such great respect.
      I sat quietly, watching as the woman played with the boy. He laughed when she scooped him up, hugging him closely. Tears were brought to my eyes as I pictured how life may have been if my father, mother and brother were still alive. Maybe we could have lived a life like that. Full of love and laughter.
      A few moments later, a tall man came walking towards the wagon. I knew it was our master, because he looked just how I always imagined him. Tall with light hair and skin as white as snow. Eyes full of hate, but masked with kindness when around other white men. As he approached, the woman in the wagon whispered something to the young boy, who quickly ducked into the back, almost as if he were hiding.
      “Mr. Jamison! How wonderful to see you and your wife again!” he shot a smile towards the woman then back to the man. “Now how can I be of service to you on this fine day?”
      “I am here for a girl,” Mr. Jamison replied, his eyes suddenly scanning the field. Ducking my head down, I continued working, the w hole time my ears tuned to the conversation.
      “A girl you say?” Mr. Samuels looked towards me, then bounced to another young girl close by. “we have several of those who are very strong workers. Would you like to view them?
      The man just nodded as the woman in the cart frowned. She was displeased with something.
      “Guard!” Mr. Samuels yelled. “bring my five of our strongest girls!”
      “Yes sir.” The guard nodded and started walking towards me. Before I knew what was happening, he was grabbing my arm and dragging me towards the wagon.
      “This ones a  very tough lil’beast. Though watch her tongue, cause she’ll snap when ya least ‘xpect.”
      “Please gather the others.” Mr. Samuels shot Mr. Jamison a fake smile that made my stomach churn.
      It wasn’t long before I was standing between four other girls. Each of them wearing torn and tattered clothing. One girl had dried blood across her arms, her face hard with years of work.
      “Take your pick.” Then Mr. Samuels stepped back, allowing Mr. Jamison to evaluate us. I began to feel like a horse up for sale. Evaluated by it’s possible owner. The man smiled kindly as he walked past.
      It was a few moments before he stopped and stepped back. “I’ve made my decision.”
      “And which one shall it be?” Mr. Samuels scowled as he glanced at us.
      “This one.”
      My knee’s felt week when I realized he was pointing to me. “Me sir?” I asked softly.
      “Shut up girl!” Mr. Samuels shouted.
      I lowered my head in shame, my mouth tightened shut.
      “Yes, her. She looks like she would work out just fine.” Mr. Jamison smiled softly.
      “Very well. Girls, you may return to your work stations.”
      I started to turn.
      “Not you!” He snapped, grabbing my arm. “Stay put girl!”
      I watched silently as money was exchanged between the two men, then two ropes were fastened to my wrists.
      “Tie her to the back of the wagon. She can use to exercise.” Mr. Samuels smirked.
      A guard grabbed the end of the rope, dragging me to the back of the wagon. The rough rope cut into my skin. I flinched from the pain, struggling to keep myself from crying.
      “Good doing business with you Mr. Jamison! I look foreword to our next meeting!” Then he turned and walked away. I stood silently as Mr. Jamison loaded back into the wagon then gave a light tap to get the horses moving.
      We traveled for only a short time. When we were out of sight of the large farm, the wagon stopped. Mr. Jamison jumped quickly from the front of the wagon and hurried towards me.
      “What is your name child?” He asked softly as he began to remove the rope from my wrists.
      “Samantha sir.” I replied.
      “No need to call me sir, I am no master of yours.” He smiled. “Now get in the back. No sense having you walk the whole way, you’ll only tire yourself out.”
      I stood there for a moment, unsure of what was being said. Was he being kind?
      “Don’t worry, we won’t harm you.” He smiled again and held out his hand.
      Cautiously, I set my hand in his and his grip tightened. I almost pulled back, then realized I was being lifted into the back of the wagon.
      “Sleep child, you look exhausted.” Then he disappeared.
      Leaning back into a thick blanket that sat in the wagon, I shut my eyes and drifted to sleep.
      When I awoke, the wagon was stopped and a young boy was sitting next to me, his eyes staring at me and a large smile on his face.
      “She’s awake Ma!” He exclaimed excitedly.
      “Timothy, please don’t shout. You’ll frighten the poor girl!” The woman walked around to the back of the wagon. “Hello Samantha.” she smiled. “Did you have a good sleep?”
      I just nodded.
      “Take my hand, I’ll help you into the house.” She held out her hand to me and I took it. Slowly, I climbed from the wagon, stumbling when my feet were on solid ground.
      “Easy,” she laughed. “we don’t need you hurting yourself on your first day here.”
      I steadied myself then followed her up to the house, followed by Timothy.
      When we got inside, I was stunned with the house. It was beautiful with doors everywhere. A few girls ran out of rooms to greet Mrs. Jamison. They all wore beautiful, handmade dresses. Their skin was clean and their hair brushed.
      “Celia and Rachel. Please welcome Samantha into the family.”
      “Hello.” They both greeted in perfect unison.
      “Hi.” I stammered, looking down.
      “Now Samantha, we need to get you cleaned up and out of those dirty clothes. Follow me.” Mrs. Jamison started walking down a long hall, and I followed right behind.
      The entire day was spent cleaning myself and getting dressed. I was given a dress so elegant, I was sure I would faint from the shock of wearing it.     
      When we ate, there was so much food, I was completely stuffed when dinner was finished.
      We were tucked to bed in soft blankets. The room was large and several girls slept in it with me. They talked softly for a short while after the lights were turned out, but I fell asleep almost right away.
      It didn’t take long to learn that I was no longer a slave. Mr. and Mrs. Jamison told me many times I was now free. I could leave if I pleased, but they sincerely hoped I would stay. And I did.
      I lived the rest of my young life with the Jamison’s. I attended school with the other children and loved my new freedom. Though the scars of my past were still painful, living out of slavery made it easier. I only wished my family could have experienced it with me.

      The story ended and the Mother looked down at her daughter, her eyes welling with tears.
      “Mama, why are you crying?” Rebecca looked up at her mother, her eyes wide with shock at her mothers tears.
      “There is something else I should tell you, child.” She started.
      “What is it?” The girl wrapped her arms around her mother.
      “That girl, was me.” Samantha wrapped her arms around her daughter and buried her face in her hair, rocking as she cry softly in her daughters tight embrace.

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Tuesday, April 6th 2010

6:14 PM

Doing what you believe in, even if it means doing it alone...

As a Christian, it is our duty to spread God's word, even if it means we are resented for it.

I have brought several people to Christ in my life, and I am very proud of that.

I've tried to share my faith openly on any sites I go to, but that's gotten me in trouble.

I've been banned from my favorite game site for sharing my faith and I was very upset about that.

Then I realized something, yes, I had a right to get upset, I was banned for sharing my faith yet people were allowed to post demonic pictures?! What's up with that?! I protested this and was eventually allowed to share my faith on the site.

I had only been banned from a site for sharing my faith, yet in other countries, Christians were being captured, tortured and killed because of their faith!

When told "Deny your faith to this god of yours and we'll set you free!" they stand firm and refuse to do it, even if it means they are risking their life, which they are.

Men, women and children are captured and tortured because they simply listened to people preaching God's word.
In our life we may not be faced with life-or-death decisions when it comes to our faith, but we are still tested.

At school, people may make fun of us for our faith and tease us, but we have to stand strong and believe that God will be with us, and whatever you do, NEVER deny your faith!

By denying your faith, you are saying that you don't believe in God, and even if you are just saying it, it is still very wrong!
if you ever do begin to doubt your faith, pray!
God can help show you what to do and He can help build your faith back up!

It's not always easy to stand firm on your faith, but we have to do it, we can't EVER deny our faith, we'd give Satan too much satisfaction if we did, and he's not the one we are aiming to please.

Here are a couple of inspirational verses;

Mark 6:11
“If any place will not welcome you and the people refuse to listen to you, when you leave, shake its dust off your feet as a testimony against them."

And

Colossians 3:12-17 12:
Therefore, as God's chosen people, holy and dearly loved, clothe yourselves with compassion, kindness, humility, gentleness and patience.

13: Bear with each other and forgive whatever grievances you may have against one another. Forgive as the Lord forgave you.

14: And over all these virtues put on love, which binds them all together in perfect unity.

15: Let the peace of Christ rule in your hearts, since as members of one body you were called to peace. And be thankful.

16: Let the word of Christ dwell in you richly as you teach and admonish one another with all wisdom, and as you sing psalms, hymns and spiritual songs with gratitude in your hearts to God.

17: And whatever you do, whether in word or deed, do it all in the name of the Lord Jesus, giving thanks to God the Father through him.

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Thursday, March 11th 2010

4:20 PM

Low Expectations...? I don't have those....

It has been way too long since my last post, but a lot has happened in the past month to make me step back and take a look at my life. Question whether I am where I wanted to be or if I've strayed off track...again!

Computer has (once again) taken up way too much of my time. My selfish wants are consuming my mind and taking up the space that should be reserved for God. So I've been thinking about a lot these past few weeks. Asking myself questions, hard ones, and deciding how to react to the situation.

With me, I tend to slip into bad habits all too easily. From on the computer for hours a day, to being so obsessed with weight loss, that God is no longer in control of my life...the world is.

I've pushed my relationship with God, and my family, once again to the back of my mind. But Not for long. I am struggling to get to a point in my life, where my only concern, is that I am not doing enough. That I am not doing all that I can to serve Him and help my family.

I have a name for my problem...it's called "Low Expectations". I expect so little from myself, that I get to the point where my days consist of eating, watching movies, listening to music and playing the computer. The big, important things fall away and then in the end, I'm left with a broken, empty life with no value to it.

I have plans for my future. I want to get married, raise a family and run a stable. Time and time again I am given the chance to prepare for that, but what is my excuse for why I don't? "I'm waiting until we move"

How wrong is that? I had gotten into the mind set that, until we move, I'm going to pause my life. Everything I want from myself, everything I want from life, will be paused. But here's the thing...it doesn't work like that! If I'm on pause, the whole word still goes on with or without me. Whether I like it or not...and most of the time, it's not.

But what does this have to do with low expectations, you may ask? Well, the expectations I have for myself, are so low, that I start to believe that I don't HAVE to do anything. I can lay around all day, and not suffer for it. I can skip cleaning the kitchen because "I'm too tired/busy (doing pointless things) to clean it. I'll do it tomorrow or later."

As my Mother says, "If you keep saying, 'I'll do it later, I'll do it another time,' eventually you'll have to do it. And all those things you kept putting off...are going to catch up to you and you'll soon find yourself swamped with work."

So true...if only it were so easy to break a bad habit. So, here is my problem, I want to get out of my mind set of only having low expectations for myself, but how do I do it, without going in the wrong direction? And giving myself high expectations int he wrong area?

Prayer.

That's the only way. I pray about what I should be doing with my life, I pray that God open my eyes so I see what should be done, BEFORE I am even asked to do it. I must "BE AWARE" of everything around me...and only then...will I be able to successfully live my life the way God wants me to live it.


1 Peter 5:6-7
"Therefore humble yourselves under the mighty hand of God, that He may exalt you at the proper time, casting all your anxiety on Him, because He cares for you."


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Monday, February 15th 2010

3:10 PM

"Start Here" By Alex and Brett Harris

Hey Guys, I have some exciting news!

Last year, hundreds of Rebelutionaries teamed together to drive DO HARD THINGS to the top five of Amazon's best selling list. This year, we're doing it again!!

TheRebelution is hosting an Amazon.com Book Bomb for Alex and Brett's new book Start Here: Doing Hard Things Right Where You Are. On February 23rd we're going to try and push it to the top of Amazon -- and I need your help!

This book has a message that teens need to hear. The book bomb is a great chance to get a copy for yourself (plus a few to give away) at a great price -- and help get the book in front of thousands of new people -- all at the same time!

Also, for every copy of the book that people buy on Amazon.com on February 23rd, Alex and Brett will be giving away copies to teens and ministries who can't afford them.

If you want to help out, go to TheRebelution and sign up with the number of books you plan to order on February 23rd. Then help spread the word by sharing this or spreading the word on Facebook. We don't have much time!

Your (Excited) Friend,
Alesia

P.S. One great idea some people have had is to see if you and some friends can order together. If you buy more than three, you get free shipping. You can also check and see if your church or youth group will buy some. Think outside the box!

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Saturday, February 13th 2010

4:11 PM

Thoughts About Singleness: A guest post by Charlie.

I fellow blogging friend of mine posted this on his blog today, and I just had to share it. I agree wholeheartedly with everything he talks about, and I hope you will enjoy reading this.

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Well, tomorrow is Valentines day. The day that everybody is to think on the love that they share in relationships.

There is also a trend that I have come across which calls the day, “singles awareness day.”  The point being that we become aware of all those who are without a relationship to focus on. And it becomes a day of mourning for those without a relationship.

And if that is the definition of “singles awareness day”, as a single, I want no part of it.

Instead let me throw down some of my thoughts on singleness. These are some of the things that I had learn through the years as a  single person. This is by no mean a comprehensive list but hopefully it hits some basic elements.

  • Singleness is not a curse.
    • There can be the temptation to see singleness as a punishment from God. Though this might be something that some chuckle at, it is a real problem. I have had to struggle with it from time to time. The idea is that there is some sin or sins that I have which are keeping me from marriage. God is looking down on me with displeasure because of it and He is keeping someone from me until I become almost perfect.  I wanted to say, “God, come on…do I have to be perfect until I find someone?” Of course the Spirit would quickly rebuke me for such thinking.  Singleness is not a strike from God because I am not living perfectly. “There is therefore now no condemnation for those who are in Christ Jesus” (Rom 8:1). And singleness is not excluded from the “no.” You and I will never be perfect and the person we marry will never be perfect. And both her and I are clothed in the righteousness of Christ. So this is not a punishment from my Father in anyway.
    • That being said, however, I would tell someone that there are problems which can keep us from being marry-able. For instance, one cannot hold a job to provide for a family. Maybe one has no relational skills and thus cannot hold conversation with anyone. These are things that can keep us from having the quality that one needs to be married to someone. Remember, we are to relate to one another in the manner of Christ who, “though he was in the form of God, did not count equality with God a thing to be grasped, but made himself nothing, taking the form of a servant, being born in the likeness of men. And being found in human form, he humbled himself by becoming obedient to the point of death, even death on a cross” (Phil 2:6-8 . Thus, “Do nothing from rivalry or conceit, but in humility count others more significant than yourselves. Let each of you look not only to his own interests, but also to the interests of others” (Phil 2:3-4). If you will be a burden to a spouse and not an aid you don’t need to look into marriage. Doing so is selfish!
  • Singleness can be painful.
    • This is real life. Singles are not always the envisioned, “happily devoted to serving God because I do not have the responsibility of a spouse.” There are many who want that responsibility, yet have not been granted it. A wife (or husband) is a good thing (Pro 18:22) and the pursuit of one should not be looked down upon. And many people have pursued again and again and some have waited to be pursued again and again and they have turned up empty handed. This is no matter for any caring member of a local church to cast aside. Some singles have had broken relationships again and again. This starts to quench any future desire to pursue because the desire seems unattainable. Why pursue again since it is probably going to result in failure again? And so the desire for marriage seems completely unattainable.  There is real pain with failed relationships and singles need to be directed to the God of all comfort who comforts us in all our afflictions (2 Cor 1:3-4a). I know, I have been there many times. Just broadly blasting out “you need to get married” is of little help in such cases. Yes, there is the adult-child that needs to grow up and attain the character one needs to marry. But many singles would be married at a drop of a hat if they could. So what is the church to do about this?
  • Singles need to be pointed to Christ and the inheritance found in Him, not the future “one”.
    • The answer to these pain is not, “wait for the best one that will be coming around anytime now.” But instead, the answer is to direct them to rely not on [them]selves but on God who raises the dead. (2 Cor 1:9b). Every person who is single needs to have their hope set in Jesus Christ and the awaiting future kingdom that He has promised them. God knows their pain but their struggle now is not worth comparing with the glory that is to be revealed to us” (Rom 8:18b). There is the sustaining joy of knowing that the one who did not spare his own Son but gave him up for us all (Rom 8:32a) works everything for our good. But what is the good that He is working? “For those whom he foreknew he also predestined to be conformed to the image of his Son, in order that he might be the firstborn among many brothers” (Rom 8:29). That is the goal to which God is bring us, conformity to Jesus. And faith looks to that truth and believes that it is better than marriage.
    • A life of holiness and love for Christ is more fulfilling than having another person to hold, cuddle, and become intimate with. And you know what, our heaven Father knows that He is keeping such pleasures from some of His children. And you know what He promises those children? A future inheritance that will reward them for faithfulness without those pleasures! The pleasures which this inheritance will give in the first minute will make up for the missed pleasures of sexual intimacy with a spouse one would have had in a life time! Nothing is worth comparing with the glory that is to be revealed to us!
    • In loving words every single needs to be told the words from Lloyd-Jones, “stop looking at yourself and begin to enjoy Him.” (Spiritual Depression, pp. 88 . Look to the One who chose you before the foundations of the world to be holy and blameless. Who predestined you in love to be adopted as His very own child so that He could lavish all His grace upon you for all of eternity. Who washed all your filthiness and vileness away by His sacrificial atonement. Putting upon Himself the very wrath that you deserved. And raised you up with Himself as He conquer the grave by His resurrection. So that you are now dead to sin and alive to holiness. And the One who keeps you His very own by His strength and not your own! Every single’s eyes are to be directed to this One for all their joy and hope.

These are some of the things that the Lord has taught me while pilgriming this journey of singleness. Has it been (and still is) difficult? Yes. There are constant heart tearings and failing dreams in this one area of my life. But is it pointless? NO! I am owned by a God who is bringing upon me these storms because there is something better that I should attain. And He is here to carry me through each and every storm. I know myself! I would have given up long ago by being drowned in a sea of despair. But no, “He who calls you is faithful; he will surely do it” (1 Thess 5:24).  Having looked back upon my singleness I can say this, it has not been easy; But because of it I have come to know Him so much better. Not because I am so great. But because He has used the trials to bring me closer to Himself.

So thank you Jesus for my singleness! Keep leading and guiding me on this path till it is your will to make it change. Just give me the strength to endure each and every trial. Because it is by this valley I get to know you better! And let me love and serve my married brothers and sisters so that your church may be built up in love and holiness. Amen!

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Please be sure to check out his blog!

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